Monday, 3 October 2011

Relationship Anger.

Myself and Grant briefly broke up for about 3 days last week. Although I was gutted and very upset, the previous month we'd been together had been rubbish, and we'd stopped talking and making any effort with one another. So in a way, it was nice when we ended, because suddenly it was as though a weight was lift from my shoulders and we could be friendly again.
- Which, to cut a long story short, resulted in him realising how much he loved/missed me, and we got back together.

I think of us at the moment, as on a "trial period." In the sense that, I don't feel completely comfortable with the idea of discussing things we can do in 6 months time, such as book holidays together. We agreed to try our hardest to make things better, and make the other happier, and change our relationship for the better.

I am trying, at one stage we saw one another every day, so it was hard when he began suddenly not wanting to see me for a week at a time, so one thing i'm doing is chilling, and trying to not want to see him as much. Which is actually going remarkably well, as honestly I don't feel the "urge" to see him, I just sort of, fancy it if i'm bored.

A huge issue we had in my eyes was our absolute lack of any sort of activity. (Um, not sexually, as in, leaving the house... lol.) All we did is lay about watching films. It was so rare we went to the cinema, or went out for dinner, or even went shopping. It bored me that he felt that just chilling out together was gratifying enough to create a "good relationship." So therefore, as we are a "new us" i'd expect this to be something we worked on. Cool.

Grant has this thing, where he keeps his ex girlfriends as friends. Which is quite infuriating to be honest. Many of my friends have said they wouldn't like it, a girl at work I spoke to today said she couldn't be with a guy that couldn't let go of his ex's, but i've learnt to live with it. But you'd have thought he'd maybe lay off a bit during a "trial period" in order to make me happy. But of corse, he's not.

It's pissing me off, as i'm trying to make things good, and making an conscious effort to be nice and loving, and whatnot, and yet he won't budge. We'd said we'd go for a weekend in London and stay in a hotel prior to the brief break up, but of course now he's all "I'll go up to London for the day, but i'm not staying in a hotel for the night" I ask why "I just don't want to." WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO!? We have the money, we've booked a weekend off work, why go out for the day, only to come home at night? Where is your sense of adventure, man?!

In short, this can't end well. Those feelings and doubts I had before are creeping back towards me. I thought things would be different, but evidently they're going to stay the same.

Friday, 30 September 2011

I can't keep it up.

It's so obvious I need a blog, as I need an outlet for my moaning and ridiculous opinions on life, however its becoming fairly evident I am absolutely useless I keeping one going...

May actually try to go back to this one? I can't be bothered to make a whole new email address, just so I can create a new blog, totally disconnected to this one, so i'll just continue to ramble on, and pretend its new.

It was literally almost a year ago since I wrote in this, during which time much has happened. I finish my A levels, coming out with BBB. Not too shabby. Though i'm kicking myself now, as i'm experiencing a classic case of "damn, I could have definitely tried harder, and i'd be sitting here with A's.." So i've put in for a re-take to do one of my exams, so hopefully i'll come out with ABB.

I decided to take the plunge and have a gap year. It's early day, but to be totally honest i'm already regretting that decision. So far I have no plans, and i've discovered that its very difficult to organise any sort of travelling, as realistically you have to book through a company, which costs lots, etc.etc.

I'm working at Costa, which is a step up from Mcdonalds, though i'm still not totally happy. The store I work in is always hideously busy, and we have very few staff, making the whole experience stressful and exhausting. I don't plan on spending my year working in a coffee shop, which means i'm going to have to start the process of looking for a new job all over again. Though i'm not sure what i'm looking for to be honest.

I'm still with my boyfriend. We've had our bumps along the way, but finally we're approaching our year anniversary. Things are looking good for the moment, though i've found many less than desirable qualities to him, I can't help but love him. I'm lucky to have found someone I can honestly say i've fallen for.

I'm not overly happy with life as a whole at the moment. I feel slightly trapped, in the sense that, as i'm on a gap year, the whole world should really be my oyster, but i'm always working, and the small amount of spare time I have is spend seeing friends/boyfriend. I just don't know what i'm doing, and frankly I can't wait for these next 11 months to be over, so I can go to university and start living my life again. I'm so jealous of everyone who went this year.

Thats it for now, though I have a good feeling about keeping this up, for once.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

It's Been a While!

Wow, it really has been a while! Since July 2010 to be exact? As we're now approaching 2011, I can tell you, a lot has happened!
I'm still at sixth form. I cannot wait for it all to be over though now. I'm fed up with all of my subjects, oddly Politics is the one I like the most. I despise drama and media.
I'm applying to university for next year to study International Relations. But I don't really want to go. I'm sort of doing it for the sake of it. To be honest, I want a gap year. Just time to think things over, travel, work, live in London for a while.
I've finally got myself a boyfriend! Of nearly two months now actually! Which is some kind of record for me. He's just the greatest creature, and i'm very, very happy with the way things are going.
I pretty much gave up on the gym. It's not my fault, I ran out of money.
I quit working at Topshop. I still work at Mcdonalds. This may seem like a totally ridiculous choice to have made, but I can get more hours at Mcdonalds, and at the end of the day it's about getting as much cash together as I can. So i'll swallow my pride, for now. Though I do really want another job!
I've booked a holiday to Zante, with all the girls.
I stopped being so unrealistic about life. I suppose you could call it maturing, or coming back down to earth, whichever way you choose to look at it. Which is sad, as i'm slowly falling into what is deemed as an acceptable way to think and be. But I guess thats life.
I continue to hate England. Aside from London, I still have no plans to stay here when i'm older.
I truly have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I turned 18!

Thats pretty much it. I'm now gearing myself up for this shitty holiday. I hate Christmas, so, so much. When it's over it's all about exam revision. So roll on February is all I can say.

Apologies if you're reading this, it's a big chunk of text with not one hint of a picture, it's because I just haven't taken any lately. I've been really busy, and taking photos has been the last thing on my mind. Plus I have no clothes, as i'm so skint I can't even afford to re-fuel my car, so i'm currently hitching lifts from everyone and anyone who will give them to me.

Oh, and I bought my boyfriend Katy Perry tickets. I can't wait to see his face when he opens them! Shes sort of what Johnny Depp is to me, to him. He will literally adore me after this!

I also met Angelina Jolie! - I'm not joking, it was one of the best moments of my life. Shes so beautiful I can't even describe it. It was unreal. You expect celebrities to somehow look different in real life, but honestly, shes was equally as gorgeous as when shes been airbrushed in magazines. She was tiny, which suprised me. Fairly tall, but weeny. Her shoulders her so small, I always envisioned her as quite broad? Apparently not!

Right, thats it for this hasty catch up. I'm going to make a contious effort to get back on blogging track, because it's a nice little record of what you're up too. Plus, hopefully next year i'll actually have something interesting to say! You never know!

Sleep well.

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

If I Were a Barbie.

I've been so lazy with this recently, I never posted our "slave auction" pictures..
FYI, the slave auction is something sixth form students do to gain money for a charity, and the year 7s/8s bid on us!
Our group were barbies.. much to my absolute delight :|
So yes, if I were a (brunette) barbie, this is what me and friends would look like!:

Sunday, 4 July 2010

Summer Must Do's!

Ahh it's been a while.. but i've been incredibly busy. And have run out of money completely to buy anything remotely nice. I have however bought two dress/top type-things, which, when I eventually get a spare moment, I will take photos and post!
The weather here has been beautiful lately, my frankly, I should hope so! Considering it's now July! I've even got myself a slight English-tan.
The gym is going well, my friend actually commented today "your stomach looks like it's getting flatter!" - I nearly cried with happiness!
So  yeah, here's my "things to do" list, for the summer!

  • Pick my 5 universities I want to go too.
  • Write a kick-ass personal statement.
  • Go to London for "vintage shopping"
  • Work. A lot.
  • Save £200 - £300 towards the "Figi Fund,"
  • Open up a specific savings account for the "Figi Fund."
  • Try to go on a daytrip to Paris.. if I have enough money.
  • Live at the gym.
  • Re-teach myself some basic Spanish, and go on from there.
  • Pass my bloody driving test.
  • Achieve astonishing tanning results au naturel.

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

On Deaf Ears.

I'm so bored with the music out currently!
I was really just hoping for any suggestions of any good not so mainstreem music, because everything is just over-repeated to a rediculous extend, which starts to annoy me after a while.
Plus my ipod needs a good old update, it's been around a month since any new music went on there.. the last song I added was "All By Myself" - Celine Dion! Ha! Just a little blast from the past there!
I absolutely love The Pretty Reckless, and I hope they release lots of stuff to the UK. Taylor Momsen is one cool 16 year old, and their songs "Make Me Wanna Die" and "Zombie" and well worth a listen!
So, if anyones up for giving me any suggestions, it would be much appreciated!



Saturday, 12 June 2010

It's Been a While.

Arghh life has been busy! But now my exams are over, so therefore everything can go back to the way it's suppost to be!
Most of my friends are born in the summer months, which is especially irritating right now as I haven't been able to work much lately because of exam commitments, therefore i'm fairly skint. Plus, not only do I have to pay for their presents, but I also have to pay to go out to different places.
SO! It begins! We went out to Nandos & then back to her house for drinks:
I wore this:
Fairly unimaginative i'll admit, but she'd told us to "look slightly dressy, but not over the top" - so this is what I went for.
(Excuse facial expression, I think I was mid-sentence)

Roll on the summer! I need more nights like this! However, I also need more money, so actually, roll on pay day!

I'm Wearing: Shorts: Miss Selfridge Top: Topshop